reworking networking

About ten years ago, I was at a networking event and I found myself seated on a couch between two other young professionals. The two people on either side of me got into a conversation where they proceeded to talk past each other, with neither party listening to what the other person was saying. As I was in the middle of them, watching them talk across me in this way, I was in shock. At one point, for several seconds, both of them were nodding along and saying “uh huh” as if they were networking robots stuck in an infinite loop. 

This example of horrific networking has stuck with me, and since then, I’ve experienced both effective and ineffective networking firsthand. It led me to reflect on how I could take greater control of my own networking experiences. Determined to avoid finding myself stuck in conversations about traffic, football, or literally nothing (like these two people), I began experimenting with strategies that could work in navigating different networking situations. What if we each reimagined networking for ourselves and focused on making those interactions more meaningful?

Over time, I have grown to dislike professional networking. Networking events usually require self-motivated conversation topics introduced by attendees. It’s unusual that organizers facilitate dialogue, so people are left to establish and nurture discussions with strangers on their own. Most of these kinds of conversations are ingenuine, self-centered, or simply boring. 

Other networking advice would say to have a purpose or a goal prior to the event about what you want to get out of it, to make a certain type or number of connections by handing out business cards, or to vaguely “be genuine” and “listen more than you speak.” This advice is good enough, but it still forces awkward self-centered interactions that aren’t based on cultivating meaningful interactions.

Authentic networking requires being faithful to your style and personality, understanding your motivations, and creating interesting conversations for all involved. The people you’re talking to might be appreciative to you for this approach too – since it will likely keep them from talking about the traffic around the city for the 100,000th time this week.

Establish ground rules for yourself to stay engaged

For the last few networking events I attended, I set a rule for myself that could help me stay mentally focused when talking to anyone in the room. My rule was that I would not introduce the topics of traffic or weather to any conversation. If someone else brought them up, I would not participate in the topic and instead try to politely steer the discussion to something else. For me, these two topics are the epitome of banal networking chit-chat. When conversations get this boring and superficial, I tune out. 

Instead of vaguely choosing to engage only in meaningful subjects, I identified these two topics specifically to avoid. Avoiding “traffic” and “weather”  was extremely helpful to my enjoyment of the conversations I had during these events. Think about what would help you stay most interested in the event and set achievable ground rules for yourself to help support that goal. Avoiding certain trivial topics is an excellent first step!

In your line of work, what are you most passionate about this week?

Networking events are traditionally established around a common professional interest. Prepare your answer to this question before going into the next forced social business setting: “In your line of work, what are you most passionate about this week?”

You can introduce an industry-relevant topic you’re tuned into this week by saying, “I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts about this recently, have you heard anything about it?” Or, “I read about this topic in an article recently, what do you think about it?” If it’s something widespread in the news, like artificial intelligence, it might come up naturally based on the audience. By bringing up a topic you’re interested in, you can share your knowledge and also learn from others about their take on the subject. Plus, the conversation remains relevant and thoughtful.

“What is a project you’re working on right now?”

“What is a project you’re working on right now?” This is a question to ask others at the event as an ice breaker or in case of a lull conversation. Having a go-to question you’re genuinely interested in asking others can be an excellent way to maintain a conversation. If you’re in attendance for a certain industry or professional training, the answers given might be focused on work projects. Your follow-up questions can be probing about their challenges, lessons learned, or successes. Other answers might be about personal projects outside of work, which could be way more interesting than a professional answer depending on how your day is going! This is an opportunity to learn about others, ask follow-up questions, and see if you can learn something new either for your line of work or for fun. Be prepared with your answer to this question too.

While reading this advice, did you think of anything else that can help you stay engaged and interested at your next networking event?